looking through my shoe collection, the hideouse question of

"hey where did those pair of shoes go." has come to mind more than i would care to find comforting. in fact its not comforting at all i wanna know where the FUCK my shoes went!!!!!! They can't have gone far.

So now I have devised a list of shit i've lost in the past few years of being a legal adult. ENJOY

1) My Black Hoodie- pretty sure i left this one at my friends sisters boyfriends house never to be seen again

2) My Mariah Carey CD- #1's PRICELESS if you ask me! FUCK.. pretty sure i left this one in a hotel room

3) Flowery pumps- these shoes i lost in my own fucking house, how that happens dont ask. They were my faves too!!

4) Numerous black shoes: school shoes and work shoes, probs located in the bermuda triangle or possibly up my ass; i havent checked either places

5) Black Clutch - the absence of this number equated to many ruined outfits. I cant have a red clutch with a white shirt dress, what am i santa clause; i've recently replaced this item- NO GIRL SHOULD LIVE WITHOUT HER BLACK CLUTCH!!!!!!!!

6) Money, Phone, Makeup- These werent lost they were stolen by some whore. Quick reminder never leave ur bag unattended, even if you have a massive bf to back you up, sneaky bitches will still steal ur shit!

7) My Puffy Jacket- given to my bestfriend on her trip home; where it is now i cant be stuffed asking........

8) Accessories, to be more precise COUNTLESS accessories, left on club floors due to my intoxicated seizures; aka while dancing. Numerous necklaces have snapped due to leaning over toilet seats and throwing up the 7 red vodka cruisers that no girl with a tiny stomach like mine can keep down.

9) My eyeliners; okay i know i shouldnt take this out with me in my purse cos defs gonna fall out but geez i need it during the night its my sort of comfort blanket, if i put this shit on at 3am in the morning i can reassure myself i still look like the goddess i did at 10pm and not the prostitute whorish drunken whore that i am now! Having said that i think i dropped my eyeliner once and when i told the guy i was seeing that i had lost it- he sed he saw it on the floor. But he didnt pick it up for me. You guess right when you think we ended soon after; i still have the suspicion he kept the eyeliner for himself........................... now im having visions of him with eyeliner hahahaha

10) LAST BUT NOT LEAST: i think the most priceless item ive lost the past couple of years hands down; something i thought i couldnt live without... MY VIRGINITY. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA :) but thats me being brutally honest.

on that note i`ll leave u with the item that I MUST get this week:

MAYBELLINE INTENSE XXL MASCARA